Yours truly dating
we are heading back to italy after having been in the states for a month. at the end of june, the chef and i began a very intense and magical affair. i know not what will happen but while i was away we spoke and texted daily.
my daughter and i missed our connecting flight due to bad weather conditions in the new york area last night. i am going home, back to my life, back to reality, and also back to him.
i embrace your generosity and i want to give you more and more. i would like to wake up with you every day for the rest of my life, after falling asleep together. i didn’t think i would ever love again, let alone write a love letter again. virtually yours, truly yours, f yesterday was my birthday. to be perfectly honest, i thought quite a bit about how different it was from the past few.
and i thought a lot about how this birthday differed from my last one.
i posted it on facebook and trust me, before i hit the change in relationship status button i paused.
and after we talked, and made love, and slept, i saw how hurt he was still that he had hurt me.
the attention i get when i’m on the dating site gives me a rush. i don’t want to be in the same room with him, not even a virtual one.
when i force myself to go out or engage with another person, it does ease the pain a bit.
five months of pure joy, magic, peace, togetherness. even if it’s just for a quick visit while he is on a break from work, or a cup of coffee and a kiss as i walk home from work. we have met some of each other’s friends and colleagues. does my ex husband define me in these terms as well? while he was the one who decided to end it and left, it was her poor choices that determined that choice. i would be lying if i said that i don’t find her presence and his reluctance to speak out about us threatening. while i didn’t find much, i found a few photos of her. she has cut him out of the picture, i recognize the sweater he is wearing, a piece of the body i have come to love and desire. she was happy with him, at one point in time, not too long ago, they were happy together.
but that temporary reflection ceases to be temporary and becomes eternal the moment the photo is taken.
the photo is something of a temporary reflection of my mind, heart, and soul. and while i hate to admit it, i find it unsettling.
there is nothing left to do but wait to see what the future holds.
it’s too addictive and i end up spending too much time there. i don’t want him to breathe the same air i breathe. i have to stop with all of the damaging and self-destructive behavior. i love how you fill the frame of my bedroom door when you arrive in silence and i am waiting for you, drowsy and ready, lying in bed, surrounded by soft light.